National NOW Times >> Summer 2006  >> Article

NOW Steps In to Defuse "Mommy Wars" Myth

By Lisa Bennett, Communications Director

If you haven't noticed, the media have been buzzing lately with dispatches from the so-called "Mommy Wars." Those who promote the "Mommy Wars" insist that a vicious fight is being waged between mothers who stay at home full-time with their children and those who work outside the home. Books, articles and TV shows are taking sides and encouraging moms to slug it out over who's doing the right thing for their family.

NOW knows that our opponents are committed to a divide and conquer strategy. By pitting two groups of hardworking women, stay-at-home moms and employed moms, against each other, they are diverting attention from the very real issues all moms and caregivers face.

One of the worst examples of this trend is a feature that aired in February on ABC's "Good Morning America." From start to finish, this two-part series offered much heat but little light. Having promised a "red hot" debate, journalist Diane Sawyer proceeded to create a provocative piece that had little substance and even fewer solutions.

The segments were framed by sound-bites from an author who takes the position that all well-educated mothers will be leading "lesser lives" if they don't work outside the home. This marginal viewpoint was obviously chosen for its inflammatory nature.

The three "everyday" women who filled the rest of the piece seemed uncomfortable with being dragged into a "which choice is better" contest. One of the stay-at-home moms wisely protested that she didn't want to tell other mothers what they should or shouldn't do, but Sawyer prodded her to do so anyway. The segment barely even addressed the fact that many mothers in this country work because they must in order to support their families.

Infuriated by the treatment moms received, NOW wrote a letter to Sawyer and Good Morning America's executive producer. President Kim Gandy, an employed mother herself, respectfully pointed out just how wrongheaded the feature had been and suggested topics for a more productive discussion: How our society can better support mothers and caregivers so that they can choose to work either outside or inside the home without additional guilt, financial strife or other barriers. How workplaces, educational institutions, the public service sector and our government can make caregiving a more respected and less stressful endeavor.

NOW asked our supporters and others concerned about these issues to write to ABC as well, and urge the show to do a "real" series on the economic and childrearing challenges facing today's parents.

To our delight, the messages got through and Sawyer and her producers took notice. "Good Morning America" invited Gandy to come to New York to tape a segment for the show. Gandy joined a large group of mothers—including Laurie Pettine, chair of NOW's Mothers and Caregivers Economic Rights ad hoc Advisory Committee—to discuss the complex issues moms face both at home and in the paid workforce.

The segment aired on March 31 and was 12-minutes long—an eternity in TV news time! While the piece was far from perfect, it was a vast improvement over the first one and it opened up a far more productive dialogue. Best of all, our victory proves that the big networks, at least the shows with women in charge, can listen up after all, if we just shout loud enough.

Kim Gandy (left) and Laurie Pettine appeared on "Good Morning America" in March to discuss real problems facing mothers and caregivers.