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Fighting Domestic Violence
Despite all the news hoo-hah about the potentially fatal dangers of H1N1 flu for pregnant women, the leading cause of death for pregnant women in the United States is in fact murder.
For as woefully pervasive as domestic violence remains, it's irritating to see how little attention it gets within the mainstream media and government budgeting priorities, for that matter.
So what's an activist to do? Stand up! Speak out!
Here at the Action Center, we are gearing up for the upcoming reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act in 2010. We have already started meeting with senators, congresspeople and key influencers in the Obama administration to promote more, not less, funding to stand up for women's fundamental right to freedom from violence.
For more information and talking points you can use while lobbying your own representatives, please see this excellent article from NOW Legal Intern Qing Luo.
NOW chapters are also taking action against domestic violence in creative ways, including Brevard NOW's upcoming Take Back The Night event this Saturday, October 24.
What are you doing to fight domestic violence?
However, I also don't think it's a good idea to characterize public health information about pregnant women and H1N1 vaccines as "hoo hah." Women pregnant right now are grateful to have this information to have to discuss with the doctors and make decision about their health.
It wouldn't be good for people to think NOW was discouraging pregnant women from getting the vaccine.
In an ideal world, that's a decision best made between women and doctors. If profit-driven insurance companies aren't too busy blocking access to care because they've decided pregnancy is a so-called "pre-existing condition," which of course presumes that the women in question have access and means for profit-driven health insurance (many don't). And domestic violence is also deemed a so-called "pre-existing condition" by many profit-driven insurance companies, providing yet another economic hurdle for survivors of domestic violence. This is a plug to call your reps immediately. The health care madness also must end.
Thanks for the link, but the data is vague and inconclusive.
1. This dates back to 2001.
2. Maryland is one of fifty states and less then 6% of the total population
3. Maybe I'm not reading this correctly, but the data that dates back to the 1990's suggests 50 out of 247 deaths were homicide related.
To put this in perspective, approximately 600 people will be struck by lightening each year. Now, I don't want to detract from the seriousness of murder, but pregnant women should be more frightened of lightening then their partners. Also, have you ever heard about women cutting an unborn child out of anothers womb?
Bottom line: My sisters pregnant and I'm more concerned about H1N1 then my brother-n-law killing her.
(The irony is amusing because I'm probably the most hypersensitive man alive.)
With that said, when is it abuse or just partners who have become incompatible? When love goes sour, it can be brutal.
Another thought:
I've dated women who were emotionally abusive towards me. Actually, I hate the word 'abuse' because it implies I'm a victim. Anyway, because its happened more then once, I've come to the conclusion that its not the women, but most likely a personality flaw on my part. I'm extremely needy and have been known to annoy women with my insecurity. Some people might see that as weakness and lose respect for me. Instead of trying to change women, I need to work on my own behaviour. I believe its called accountability.
Keep in mind, this is my personal situation. Its different for everyone and I would be naive and callus to engage in victim blaming.
Unfortunately men are more violent then women, but don't underestimate the interpersonal power of women.
Here's another thought for the guys. If a woman assaults you, show some restraint and try and make her laugh. Women love to laugh. It completely defuses the situation.
I've always believed masculinity can be incredibly destructive but also very creative and noble.
With that said, some men will assault their wives yet others will go out of their way to protect them.
I wish I could find the article but Syracuse University (best 4 years of my life) -- did a study some years back and surveyed about 1200 men and asked whether they would rather outlive or die sooner then their wives. Over 90% said they would rather die first. To me, thats the ultimate sacrifice. What does that mean? Is it chivalry or the theory men are more emotionally dependent?
Widows live longer then widowers.
Anyway, i'll keep commenting becuase I'm bored as hell!
Oh, by the way, Yankees vs Angels @ 8:00 pm Sunday. Yanks are up by one.
WTF is this guy talking about? :)
It would seem to me that 50 out of 247 is a much higher percentage than 600 out of more than 300,000,000. But correct me if I'm wrong.
BAC
The NOW organization has done great things for women however they continue to denounce that Child Alienation exists which in turn is hurting good mothers not only in this country but throughout the world.
http://www.nowfoundation.org/issues/family/
Additionally, re Tammy's post in particular: http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/pas/DVP.html
:)
http://www.floridatoday.com/article/20091025/NEWS01/910250319/1006/Women+take+a+stand+on+violence
In the words of the chapter president:
"Ten cities and the County of Brevard issued proclamations proclaiming Oct. 24 Take Back the Night to be recognized and supported, the county Sheriff was there and spoke. We had speakers from politicians to shelters and survivors. Then a march and of course, being Brevard NOW, a great after party."
No matter how "needy" or "sensitive" a person is, they do not deserve to be abused, whether it's physical or emotional abuse. And when you shrug it off as "a personality flaw on my part" you are only doing a disservice to abuse victims everywhere.
To dispute your claim that men are more violent, I would like to point out that the CDC released a nation wide study that showed the majority of domestic violence was mutual, as in both parties were being violent towards the other. In cases where only one party was violent, women were just as likely to be the perpetrator as the man.
Most of the quoted statistics on domestic violence is based on reported incidents. I think we can all agree that a woman is more likely to report being abused than a man is.
I know from personal experience that even when a man does report abuse, he is often not taken seriously.
I'm aware the media and feminist groups tend to ignore the reality men are sometimes victims of violent women. (As I mentioned before, I hate the word victim, I just can't think of a better word)
I'm also aware the VAWA ignores domestic issues as it relates to women perpetrators. Also, for the most part, men aren't taken seriously when assaulted by a female.
However, because men are physically stronger, they can inflict more damage. With great power comes great responsibility. This is also why parents should never strike their children. This doesn't mean its acceptable for a woman to strike a man, but if it doesn't hurt, don't complain.
As for doing a 'disservice' to other victims --
It seems your engaging in collectivism. I choose to live my life as an individual and I see the dynamic of domestic abuse a little different then the text book definition. I'm not going to ignore my self awareness just so I don't offend other people. Based on my experience, I see our culture as a hypersensitive waste land filled with people who are easily offended.
Getting back to the victimization --
Here's a scenario. Lets say I walk through a very dangerous area in NYC around 2:00 in the morning. I then proceed to withdraw money from the cash machine and start counting twenty dollar bills. Then out of no where, I get mugged.
Who's to blame? I AM! Its my own damn fault for being naive. I should know better.
Simply blowing off male victims by calling them "stronger" just ignores the real issues. Let me pose a scenario to you:
A man is being punched and slapped by his wife. She won't let up. True, she hasn't caused any real damage, yet. He decides to restrain her and in doing so, leaves bruises on her wrists. This enrages her further, to the point that she stalks to the kitchen and grabs the cast iron pan that so many women have been told to use against their abusive husbands. She hits him with the pan, giving him a concussion, then calls the cops. Guess who goes to jail? Was it his fault for grabbing her wrists? Should he have just "taken it like a man"?
There is clearly a palpable inequity in the treatment by law enforcement and courts of females. This inequity is in play with how law enforcement officers choose to respond, or not respond, handle and not handle victims of domestic violence including in treating the victims of domestic violence as the guilty parties frequently. The stats you refer to are merely a reflection of this inequity in treatment of females, they are not proof that the epidemic of violence against women is somehow less, or that there is some even close to comparable pattern of female perpetrated violence against men.
Men are not violent against women because men are "stronger" than women. Men commit violence against women because of the fundamental system of male supremacy on which our society is built. Cultural myths such as the one you have illustrated for us here, the supposition that "men are stronger than women," support that societal acceptance of the inequitable treatment of women. And that you make such a claim also in the same place where you claim that there is some comparable incidence of female perpetrated violence against men further illustrates the fallacies which make up your arguments, and lead me to believe that you do not take the epidemic of violence against women seriously at all, but rather seek to undermine efforts to expose it.
Furthermore, violence against women is far from epidemic proportions. As I stated in another post, 90% of assaults in this county are against men. If violence is an epidemic, then men are the main victim.
I'm not trying to trivialize female victims of violence, but I think it takes a twisted view of reality to turn violence into a gender issue. Violence against anyone is wrong, the genitalia of the victim or the perpetrator does not change that.
They even had the nerve to give me a lecture about my "dirty apartment" which was only in that state because she had assaulted me and trashed my apartment days earlier.
Just remember that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Don't worry about "annoying" the police. It's there job to protect you and if they won't do it on their own, you need to keep reminding them of their responsibilities.
Might I suggest filing a contempt petition against the abuser. He might not get jail time for it, but he would at least have some consequences beyond having his guns confiscated.
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