Child Welfare Administration; Administration for Children's Services New York City.

[Anonymous <Sergio3989@aol.com>]

Discrimination, harrassment and retaliation seems to be experiences that will never go away in my work life. It all began in 1990 when I was promoted and assigned to work under this racist supervisor in the Child Welfare Agency in New York City. I endured humilliation, threats, harrassment and racism for the two years I worked under this person. I thought I was going crazy as I tried to make sense of the almost daily acts of hostility I had to experience at work. I even went to the Employee Assistance Programs and the EEO office of this agency only to realize that these departments are simply a joke. The supervisor went further in her desperate need to inflict pain on me. She blamed my language for imaginary deficienccies in my performance that she needed to create in support of the biased performance evaluation she had the nerve to author. She blamed my culture for my desperate attempts to find a solution to the unfavorable rating of my evaluation. Facts are that all my prior evaluations are all excellent and that there did not exist evidence whatsoever that "my deficient verbal communication skills in English" was ever an issue. 

I took the racist and the agency to court. But guess what, yes, it was one of those kangaroo courts...unfortunately from the Federal Government. Although the supervisor resigned shortly after her deposition, the courts threw out my case, dismissing it and granting summary judgment to the City of New York. A tremendous blow in my life and furthering the emotional and phychological damages that this whole 6 years ordeal has done to me.

I did not leave. I struggled through years of hostility and retaliation. No one listened to me. The agency officials ignored my pleads for help and justice. It was this silence that was so loud in my mind and spirit that almost killed me on two occassions after overdosing myself with medication and tranquilizers. 

Many have retired today, all others have moved to other duties and positions. But remains in me the intrusive and violent episodes of reliving the experience over and over. No matter how much I try to forget, how much I try to regain control of my life again and feel like that happier person I used to be, I cannot do it. It's a constant fear and intimidation that even does not let me face other life threatning hostilities in the workplace that are still present today. 

That experience with blatant discrimination and the government bodies supposed to protect me, let me down, did something in my psychic and in my soul, so damaging, I cannot even ask for pleasure or respect, because I feel deep down that I do not deserve it. I'm Hispanic. College educated and with a family like everbody else. 

How do I get rid of this pain?