Ain't One of the Guys

[Anonymous <no_email@fake.address>]

My first sexual harassment experience happened when I was 23 years old working 
as a Secretary for an oil & gas firm.  I was going through a divorce at the time 
(had been married just 5 years).  Since my best friend was too busy pursuing my 
soon-to-be ex-husband, I did not have a wide array of friends to choose 
from for support during this tough time.  

I was lonely and easy prey for a 52 year old VP of the company.  
He was quick and eager to provide an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.  
An elderly, married man of his status surely was a safe friend, right?

Unfortunately, things were out of control before I realized what was happening.  
Once I did realize that this person's intentions were more than just a concerned friend, 
I backed off.  Then, he started following me around the office and behaving rather jealously 
when I spoke to other coworkers (especially male).  Once he handed me an envelope with $
1,000 in it stating that he wanted me to buy myself a pair of "alligator" shoes.  I threw 
the money on his desk and told him I didn't need his money and to leave me alone.  
I finally had to report him to another VP of the company when he told me that the only 
way he would ever get over me was to sleep with me.  

Here I am now in my 30's.  I find myself at another oil & gas firm.  I am now at 
Systems Analyst at a major oil & gas firm.  I find myself once again faced with 
this humiliating and frustrating subject.  Atleast this "go round" it's not sexual harassment 
as before.  This time it is the "sexist" comments, jokes and snide remarks made by my 
coworkers in this male dominated field and industry.  When I was younger, I probably 
would have "laughed it off", "sloughed it off" or attempted to "exit gracefully".  NO MORE!  
I refuse to be humiliated and degraded by my "piers".  I am a professional that deserves 
to be treated with respect.

I would sit quietly in the staff meeting as they made the comments such as
 "...did you see the new 'skirt' in the other department" or "....we need to have a
 brown bag meeting to discuss...and you can cook for all of us."  But, the final 
straw was when I was the only female at a business lunch with 8 male coworkers 
and 1 male vendor.  They told a joke in which the punch line included a crude 
comment about a woman's tampon.  Embarrassed, humiliated and ashamed, I wanted 
to crawl under the table.  All out of "graceful exits" and witty comebacks, 
I sat speechless and in shock.

Going over in my mind what I could have done differently to prevent myself from 
being in this predicament, I realized IT IS NOT ME!  These guys have got to learn 
how to work with a woman in the workplace.  They must learn how to treat us with 
courtesy and respect.  I realized that I had never confronted them about this subject.  
So I bluntly told them that I found this type of behavior offensive and that I wanted it 
to stop.  Now that I have made this clear to all of them, I have been alienated by all of 
\my piers.  They no longer talk to me.  They exclude me from all conversations and avoid 
me like the plague.  

What saddens me even more is the only other female in the department has allowed 
them to treat her this way for years.  She is supporting them on this issue.  
She told me that this type of language does not offend her.  That is her right.  
However, it is women who allow this type of behavior to be acceptable that keeps the 
men confused as to what is right and what is wrong.  She told me that they felt 
betrayed and that I would have to "win" them back over.

I have to win THEM back over.  Quiet the contrary.  They were the one's who stepped out of line.  THEY will have to win ME back over.  And, I am the one who felt betrayed during the lunch.  No one seemed to give that a second thought.

So ironic.  I thought surely I was passed this silly sexual harassment stuff....you know, 
now that I am not some charming 23 year old. --- But they will always find a way to keep 
ya down.  I ain't one of the guys and I don't guess I will ever be -- thank God!

Good luck my fellow female friends in the workplace.  We've got to weed these folks 
out -- our daughters (and sons) are soon to follow.